Sayings

I grew up in rural Missouri, pretty much on the edge of the Ozarks and the Bootheel area. So I have been exposed to any number of genetically challenged individuals, whom I collectively refer to as "toothless hilljacks". Most of them are pretty good folks, given there circumstances of life, and lack of opportunity for social and economic advancement.

Having grown up around these people, some of which are my relations, albeit distant, I began to pick up on the local jargon and sayings that were passed down from generation to generation. Most of them included the age old saying that we all learned as children (i.e., a penny saved is a penny earned; a stitch in time saves nine... ) you get the idea.

But there were those rare occasions when someone would come up with something so completely offbeat or strange that it would stick and become part of the collective language. L just looks at me dumb-founded when I say one of these pearls of wisdom. It usually requires me to provide an explanation, which elicits further looks of confusion from her. But, in the long run, she continues to love me and put up with my faults.

It is with great pleasure that i bring to you several of my all time favorites.

(You/They) are slower than smoke off dog crap.

It is raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock.

You can want in one hand and crap in the other one. See which one fills up first.

People in HELL want ice water too, but they ain't getting it and neither are you.

I would appreciate if you could spread the word and encourage others to add their favorite sayings to the list. We can start a chain thingy (not sure what the blog term is for it).

Looking forward to hearing from you and reading the comments.