When I married L, I knew that I would be taking on the role of stepfather to three older children (currently 22, 24, and almost 26). I also knew that I would be a step grandfather to two very high maintenance and hellion boys. I accepted this role knowing that dealing with the issues facing them would involve a lot of patience, some creative accounting, and probably many of sleepless nights and anxiety filled days. But I love L and knew and continue to believe that the risk was and is worth the reward.
Yesterday, my middle stepson left for training, prior to being deployed to Iraq. So I have inherited a new role. Concerned parent to a soldier. While I don't feel it is my place to tell my stepson how to live his life or call him son, or do any of the other things I might normally do if he were younger, I do feel the need to let him know that his mother and I are very proud of him and pursuit of a military career.
I told him as much in a phone call yesterday morning as he was departing. I told him that I wished I could have been there to see him off but my commitment to my own son and a boy scout trip prevented me from being at the airport. Through the sobs and sniffles of him fighting back openly crying, he said he understood and knew that I didn't have a choice but to be with my own son rather than with him. I told him that it still didn't make it right that I could not be there. I told him that his mother and I were proud of him, and that I knew he had to do this for himself, his wife, his family, and his country. I told him that no matter what happened, we would take care of his wife and that last thing he needed to worry about over there was her.
L and his wife were obviously upset and keeping it together by the thinnest of strings for most of the day yesterday. I made it home by noon and was able to have some things done around the house by the time they got back from the airport. On top of all the emotion of her son leaving yesterday, it was L's birthday yesterday. I was able to be home for most of it, got her a present that she really wanted, cooked her dinner, and generally was there for her to hold and to provide a shoulder to cry on.
Yesterday was the beginning of at least a one year role as military parent, supportive husband and father in law, amongst other roles. I hope I am up to the challenge.
If you followers are interested, I will update you from time to time on his progress and situation. If it is a little too maudlin or self-serving for your taste, I won't. Your call.
3 comments:
Good for you, for all the encouraging and supportive words to your stepson! And also for being there for L. This will be a rough time for all involved. And, yes, updates would be great!
Updates please- and warm safe thought with your entire family. Give L out love- even though she has no idea who we are :)
And you are an awesome stepdad- I'm proud to 'know' you !
Samsmama - Thanks for your thoughts. I just have to keep L and the daughter in law (hereafter named DD) from obsessing on this shit and keep them active and involved in something else.
Mary - Thank you also for your throughs and compliment. I am not so sure I am that awesome yet. As you have probably read in past post, for the most part, the stepkids dont listen to a word I say and couldn't give two shit about it anyway.
I will continue to provide updates as I can with some pictures, if applicable.
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